ghosting

When Laura met Alberto after months of talking on Instagram, sparks flew. They spent the weekend together and he, who lived in another city, promised her he would return in a couple of weeks. The next thing she knew, he had blocked her. It is just an example of ghostingthat is to say, break up a relationship unilaterally and without giving any type of explanation to the other person. It is an increasingly common practice, partly encouraged by new models of quick relationships from dating apps Tinder or Bumble type. They are not isolated cases. It has not been difficult for me to find stories of ghosting In my close circle and in networks we can find countless cases of all kinds. We have spoken with some victims and a psychologist to better understand the mechanisms behind this widespread phenomenon. All names have been changed to preserve the anonymity of the participants. I make ‘chas’ and disappear from your side Knowing the true magnitude of the problem is complex since there are no clear measurement tools, although there are some studies that have tried to shed some light on the matter. In this study Conducted in the United States, 554 participants with an average age of 32 years were interviewed, of which 25% admitted to having been ghosted for a romantic partner, while about 20% have done it to someone else. In this other study A sample of 328 people was taken who were using dating apps then. The number of people who had suffered this practice rose to 85%. The percentage of perpetrators also rose to 63%. This same year it was published a review that analyzed more than a dozen studies about the ghosting. Although it does not mention figures, among its conclusions it states that it is a behavior associated with avoidant attachment styles, poor communication and conflict avoidance. He ghosting It is quite common in short relationships that arise on dating apps. Ana Martí-Beldaa psychologist specialized in brief strategic therapy, has encountered many cases in consultation and the majority coincide with this pattern. “It is a behavior that is spreading and happens a lot with one-night stands on Tinder, but sometimes it also happens with friendships and long-term relationships,” he says. “A boyfriend with whom I had been in a relationship for nine months did it to me. He lived in another city so imagine the scenario of not understanding anything, thinking that something had happened to him…” Daniela tells us. This is what happened to Daniela. “It was done to me by a boyfriend with whom I had been in a relationship for nine months. He lived in another city so imagine the scenario of not understanding anything, thinking that something had happened to him… After a month I managed to get him to answer me but because I kept insisting like crazy. Now it makes me laugh but it was horrible,” she remembers with a laugh. Something similar also happened to Marta with a four-month-old couple. “The confinement began and he told me that he would come for me to confine us together but he never showed up. I don’t know if it counts as ghosting because a week later he wrote to me to explain that he was still seeing his ex,” she admits. And she is not the only one, there are quite a few cases in which this behavior hide another relationship pre-existing that of course the other person does not know. Sergio went through something similar: “We met a few times, at her house, we went out to party… about a month after we met, she suddenly disappeared. Some time later I found out that she had a boyfriend for years.” He ghosting It is more common in short relationships and, although less serious, it can also be very painful. There are cases in which the sudden disappearance is preceded by a period of love bombing that leaves the victim completely distraught. “The second day he told me that he had told his mother about me,” Elisa recalls. He confesses to us that he has had several experiences of hookups that suddenly disappear, but this was the one that hurt him the most because, although it was only a short time, he was beginning to fall in love. “It was very intense, one of those who want to squeeze in the hours and take you to see the sunrise on the beach in a romantic way.” Everything was going well until the boy started to behave differently; He didn’t respond so quickly anymore and it was strange; He told him that he had family problems and they were going to kick him out of the house where he was living. “I tried to help him in rescue mode, one day I even made him a tupperware with 1kg of macaroni,” she says, laughing. They hadn’t known each other for even a month when her lover disappeared without a trace: “It happened from a love bombing very beast to disappear in less than a month and I was left immersed in a bubble of love that I had not asked for and without understanding anything.” Unsolved questions For those who disappear it is the easy way, but for those who suffer it it can be a very traumatic experience because prevents emotional closure and has a great impact on your mental health. Rumination about what happened, feelings of guilt and anxiety often occur. “The grief that the victim goes through is worse because they have to close something that was left unfinished. You have many questions left to answer and you are not going to get answers. It is very painful, especially when they are in longer relationships,” Ana tells us. “The grief that the victim goes through is worse because they have to close something that was left unfinished,” says Ana, a psychologist. Additionally, you must keep in mind that it is a long process. When someone disappears we … Read more