Science is clear that being a good person gives happiness. The problem is the hidden cost of “overdoing it”

Since we were little, society has bombarded us with a very clear message: you have to be good people. It’s a moral imperative, yes, but over the past few decades science has attempted to answer a much more pragmatic question: does being kind to others have a real impact on our happiness? This is where A group of researchers wanted to give an answer.

What we know. The answer to this question is ‘yes’ according to the latest articles that have been published on the matter. But we must keep in mind that taking kindness to the extreme, leaving our ‘skin’ for others without attending to our own needs, has a real impact that translates into burnout and also in a great emotional exhaustion.

And surely, some people can see themselves very reflected in these concepts of literally being very ‘burned out’ for being very kind to others and attending to all the favors they ask of you without thinking about oneself.

The positive part. The idea that “good people are happier” is not a simple phrase of Mr. Wonderfulbut it is a conclusion with solid empirical support, especially in the field of positive psychology. Here the researchers were able to see, for example, in a Japanese sample that happier people performed more daily acts of kindness.

What’s more, they found that forcing people to simply “count” their own kind acts for a week measurably increased their happiness.

There are more studies. Beyond this case, which is very classic, the bibliography leaves us with a great meta-analysis that reviewed decades of research to conclude that help, donate or support others is consistently associated with persistently higher well-being, even if modest in some cases. Something that was also demonstrated in the experimental works of Sonja Lyubomirskywhich made it clear that assigning a group of people the task of “performing acts of kindness” significantly increases their well-being compared to control groups.

The negative part. If being good is so positive… Should we give ourselves to others without limit? The answer here is a resounding ‘no’. As has always been heard, the middle ground is where virtue lies, since reaching absolute altruism causes compassion fatigue and burnout. And it is no wonder, because altruism taken to the extreme, especially in highly demanding contexts, is dangerous.

The studies on health professionals and caregivers clearly show that high exposure to the suffering of others, combined with a strong compassionate orientation but without clear limits, triggers the risk of psychological collapse and, therefore, serious problems such as anxiety.

Its consequences. An empirical study on altruism that exists among co-workers revealed that, although constantly helping colleagues encourages cooperation, in the long term it is associated with great emotional exhaustion and depersonalization of the relationship. That is, the system collapses if aid becomes chronic and absorbs own resources.

And the problem is that when people are very compassionate with the rest of the world, they are usually incapable of being very compassionate with themselves and have much greater wear and tear. Here empathy needs a protective shield that is nothing more nor less than a series of limits regarding interpersonal relationships. Although logically there are cases that are difficult to mark because we tend to be too kind.

The society. To fully understand the picture of human goodness, one must do zoom out since it is not about what we do individually, but about the ecosystem where we are living. Here the World Happiness Report 2025 dedicate an entire chapter to analyze on a global level how kindness and happiness interact. And their conclusions are revealing, since they point out that the greatest predictor of individual happiness is not the frequency with which we do good acts, but the expectation that others will do good things too.

In this case, the report gives a very illustrative example: the expectation that, if you lose your wallet, a stranger will return it to you. Here, believing in the goodness of others has a brutal impact on reducing inequality of happiness within a country, and as the SDSN network points out In their adaptation of the data for Spain, “believing in the goodness of others is much more related to happiness than previously thought.”

Images | Brooke Cagle

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