Psychologists

At 32 years old, the suitcase in the hallway of his parents’ house is not a sign of a visit, but rather a sign of moving. The room he left five years ago is still there, but he is no longer the same, nor do his parents have the same energy. This scene, which is repeated in thousands of Spanish homes, is the face of the so-called “boomerang generation.” As described by family psychotherapist Xiomara Reina in The Vanguardreturning home is not just a matter of sharing a roof; It is a challenge to identity at a time when “everything that seemed stable is no longer so.” The statistical reality in Spain has reached a critical turning point. According to the Spanish Youth Council (CJE)the emancipation rate has fallen to 15.2%, the lowest figure recorded in a second semester since records exist. Although the average age to become independent was already over 30 years in previous reportsthe current scenario shows an almost total paralysis of the young life project. In the report of think tank Funcas reveals a historical paradigm shift: Today, only 43% of women and 32% of men between 30 and 34 years old live as a couple, a drastic drop from 80% in 1970. The result is an increase in intergenerational households. As the report points out, in 2024, 6% of Spanish homes already housed at least three generations living under the same roof, an “emergency” trend where the family gathers in spaces that are not always prepared for it. A perfect economic storm Why is an adult with studies and work forced to return? The answer is purely arithmetic. The CJE barometer warns thatwith rent at a record price of 1,080 euros per month, a young salaried person would have to allocate 92.3% of their salary solely to renting. If we add basic supplies, the cost exceeds 100% of the average income, leaving survival in the hands of family help. Added to this is geographical pressure. According to data from the National Institute of Statistics show that cities like Madrid and Barcelona are losing national population because the effort to rent adequate housing requires between 80% and 90% of the family income. This “two-speed migratory engine” expels residents to the periphery or back to their home of origin. But not only the economy pushes the boomerang; personal events “shocks” are decisive. Although international studies –like that of the University of Essex in the United Kingdom either Thrivent survey in the US– analyze this trend, in Spain the impact is identical: job loss and relationship breakups with a rebound of 8.2% in 2024, reaching 86,595 marital dissolutions. With an average age of breakup now approaching 50 years, this phenomenon not only affects young people, but also pushes middle-aged adults back into the home of octogenarian parents, completely reconfiguring the traditional family structure. The danger of “regression” When the adult child crosses the threshold of the house, time seems to go back in a dangerous way. It’s what the newspaper Guardian defines as “teenage mode.” Psychotherapist Satya Doyle Byock explains that this return can cause a “psychological regression” where adults of 30 or 40 years old become sullen again, stop cleaning or feel infantilized by parents who automatically resume their role as caregivers. So that this forced return does not transform the home into a pressure cooker, the experts’ recipe is not resignation, but rather an active renegotiation of reality. Xiomara Reina warns that the most frequent error —and often the most well-intentioned—is for parents to minimize their child’s pain or try to “cheer them up” too quickly. The returning adult often carries a heavy backpack of frustration, defeat, and silent shame. Therefore, the key lies in treating coexistence as a contract between adults and not as a return to childhood. It is essential to establish what we could call a domestic “Constitution” from day one. Nothing can be taken for granted; It is essential to speak clearly about check-in times, cleaning arrangements and meal organization. In this new balance, “symbolic contributions” play an essential psychological role. Even if the child cannot pay a market rent, helping with the purchase, paying for internet or taking care of repairs helps preserve their dignity and prevents silent resentment from germinating in parents for feeling like eternal servants. Finally, considering the stay as a transition with a clear time horizon, reviewing the situation periodically, allows the family home to be a safety net and not a definitive stagnation. From a mental health perspective, the PLOS ONE study suggests a complex reading: Although living with parents relieves financial stress, the lack of autonomy can worsen symptoms of depression if living together is conflictive. On the other hand, fathers who are “connected” with their children tend to have better mental health during grieving processes or late divorces (silver splits), as reported by Lisa Jessee and Deborah Carr. In Germany, the concept of the “multigenerational house” It is presented as a planned solution with independent spaces. In Spain, the model is one of “resistance.” The CJE document on the Youth Test proposes that public policies They must be evaluated under an intergenerational impact: the precariousness of the child is, ultimately, a burden for the father’s old age. As Gretchen Rubin reflects in Atlanticwe must change the metaphor of the “empty nest” to that of the “open door.” Family remains the ultimate safety net. A stage of opportunity for “parents and children to look at each other from a more human place and repair pending conversations.” The success of this forced coexistence does not depend on money, but on self-awareness. In a country where becoming independent is “practically a chimera”, the parental home has become the last stronghold of resistance against a market that expels its young people. But so that the boomerang does not break the glass of coexistence, the key is only one: stop treating the adult as a child and the parent as an eternal servant. Image | freepik Xataka | … Read more