A very typical (and frustrating) situation can certainly be in the middle of a heated discussionwith pulses racing and jaw very tight. And right at this moment someone blurts out the most irritating advice in the world: “come on, take a deep breath and calm down“. you trybut not only does it not work, but it seems to make you angrier.
A reality. It’s not that you are a lost case of emotional management. It is that, according to experts and recent scientific studiesbreathing like technique Immediate help in a “rush” of anger is often a lost battle if prior work has not been done.
The ‘high’ problem. Sonia Díaz Rois, coach specialized in anger management, is blunt about it: Trying to breathe to calm yourself in the midst of an emotional peak does not work because the body, in a state of maximum alert, does not recognize slow breathing as a safety signal.
And it makes a lot of sense, because when anger flares, we go into ‘fight or flight’ mode. The sympathetic nervous system take command, cortisol triggers and the brain prioritizes survival over reflection. Literally all the machinery is active to deal with the ‘threat’ that has been detected.
A sudden change. If at this moment of extreme peak of the organism we want to stop it suddenly with slow breathing without having previously trained, the brain can interpret this abrupt change even as an additional threat or an obstruction. In this way, the only thing that is generated is a feeling of lack of air that will increase the stress you are experiencing.
That is why the solution to anger is not to turn it off, but to listen to it. But for breathing to be a useful tool, you must first train it in the calmest moments. This is what is known as creating an ‘anchor’.
There are different breaths. Science has an opinion in favor of the need to train this relaxation method when you are not angry. But it has also begun to distinguish which techniques are most effective in these high-stress situations. To this end, a 2023 randomized controlled study compared various techniques of breathwork with the mindfulness medication traditional.
The result was finding a very effective technique to improve mood above meditation. It is known as Cyclic Sighing (cyclical sigh in Spanish). The way to do it is very simple, since you only have to do a deep inhalation followed by a short inhalation and a very long exhalation. In this way, those who practiced it for just 5 minutes a day showed greater long-term emotional resilience.
Because. Neuroscience explains that by prolonging exhalation (as in the 4-7-8 technique, where you exhale twice as long as you inhale), we directly activate the vagus nerve and the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for “slowing down” the body.
Scream or breathe. For years, popular culture defended the theory of catharsis with very typical phrases such as “let it all out”, “hit a cushion” or “scream loudly and say everything you think.” However, it does not seem the most appropriate as indicated. a study published in 2024 about activities to manage anger that has totally denied it.
And his reasoning is quite logical. A high-arousal activity such as boxing or literally shouting tends to increase arousal more than it should, and is something that maintains or increases the aggressiveness that you are trying to control. In contrast, low-arousal activities like deep breathing or yoga are the only ones that significantly reduce anger.
Even in contexts of acute stress, as seen in studies with COVID-19 patients in 2024guided deep breathing exercises dramatically reduced anxiety and stress, although interestingly they did not have the same effect on depression.
Train when you are well. The conclusion of researchers and experts like Díaz Rois is quite clear: breathing is not a panic button that can be pressed for the first time in a fire, but rather it is something that must be trained to be in full shape when necessary.
To do this, you must enter when you are well, practicing the sigh technique that we mentioned before or counting your breaths. In this way, the nervous system is being trained to relate the respiratory pattern we are doing with the message that we are safe.
Other important points. In addition to all this, science is quite clear that slow breathing practiced just before a negative emotional stimulus reduces its impact. This is something that we can keep in mind when, for example, we are going to enter an exam or a place where we think we are going to be very uncomfortable, where taking a few breaths beforehand can save us a bad drink.
What you have to say. With all this that we have discussed, the next time someone tells you to “breathe” while you are angry, remember that they are scientifically right, but that for this trick to work you have to go through a series of training.
Images | engin akyurt
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