“task dates” are the new way to screen your future partner

Picture the scene: no candles, no jazz music in the background, no glasses of wine. In its place is an Allen wrench, an instruction manual with silent drawings, and a pressed-wood shelf that seems to resist the laws of physics. What for many would be the prelude to a breakup, for a new generation of singles it is the perfect date.

Welcome to choremancingthe trend that proposes that, if you want to know who someone really is, forget the gala dinner and take them to do the weekly shopping.

For years, the dominant dating app narrative sold us the matches as the gateway to an endless parade of sophisticated plans. However, how to explain Guardian, something is changing. The British media defines the choremancing like a portmanteau chore (homework) and romance. The idea is as simple as it is cynical: why waste time pretending at a cocktail bar if 90% of life as a couple is going to consist of deciding who takes out the trash or how the bills are paid?

This trend was consolidated after the application Plenty of Fish would include it in its annual trends report. It’s no longer about impressing, but about “folding a date into an errand you had to do anyway.” It is, in essence, the definitive compatibility test.

The end of romantic “posturing”

Why do we prefer to see our date in the frozen food aisle than under the dim light of a restaurant? The answer lies in authenticity. As Bruce Y. Lee analyzes in the magazine Psychology Todaymundane tasks reveal what people are “at their core.” At a dinner party it’s easy to maintain a façade, but when faced with a logistical challenge—like figuring out why a piece of furniture is missing—the real personality comes out: Is your date cooperative and adaptable, or does he become selfish and irritable at the first setback?

However, this “test” has its dangers. Quartz warns that assembling Ikea furniture is a real emotional minefield. Citing expert psychologiststhe outlet explains that these tasks activate old “triggers” and latent insecurities. A simple bookshelf can lead to existential questions: “Do you think I’m stupid?”, “Don’t you trust me?”

Additionally, psychology professor Dan Ariely points in the same medium a dangerous phenomenon: the fundamental attribution error. We tend to think that if we make a mistake it is because the instructions are bad, but if the other person makes a mistake it is because they “never pay attention.” He choremancing It is, therefore, a quick way to see how the couple manages guilt and pressure.

The collapse of the Tinder model

This retreat into everyday life is not coincidental, but symptomatic. Traditional dating apps are suffering from structural wear. Although 80% of Generation Z want to find love, only 55% feel ready for a relationship. It is the “paradox of preparation”: the fear of failure is so high that young people prefer not to try.

“Traditional flirting” is on the decline. Today you no longer ask for a date, you ask for Instagram, and that is where the interaction often dies. The fear of “public failure”—having to delete photos or explain things if a relationship doesn’t work out—acts like a handbrake. In this context, a “task date” is much safer: less pressure, less exposition, and above all, more honesty.

Faced with this boredom, some are returning to old methods, like the resurgence of marriage agencies. “We get a lot of tired and frustrated people from the digital world,” they explain from the sector. Singles now seek “exclusivity and anonymity”, fleeing the public showcase of social networks.

This search for tangible connection has taken courtship to the most unexpected spaces. For example, a couple of months ago the “hook up in Mercadona from seven to eight in the afternoon” went viral. What started as a joke about secret codes—like carrying an upside-down pineapple in your cart to indicate availability— reflects a deep reality: the desire to return to face-to-face in real environments, away from the algorithm.

But he choremancing It goes beyond the first date; It is also the glue of coexistence. According to psychologist Dr. Hannah Lawson, cited by Uniladtechcouples who do household chores together, like washing dishes, are 20% happier. Lawson maintains that sharing these small daily rituals builds a stronger emotional connection than large romantic gestures. “It’s a symbol of equality,” he says, preventing resentment and encouraging natural conversation.

However, there is a cruder reading behind this boom in useful quotes. First of all, the economic context does not help. With housing through the roof, looking for a partner has become a pragmatic decision: “you need two incomes to aspire to a stable life.” In this scenario, evaluating whether your potential partner is efficient at managing the house is not a lack of romanticism, it is a survival instinct.

So is he choremancing The future of love or simply proof that we are too tired for traditional courtship? Either way, it seems like an efficient strategy. In a world where time is the most scarce resource, combining logistics with romance allows us to optimize the agenda and, in the process, truly get to know who we have in front of us.

At the end of the day, logic is unbeatable. If the date goes wrong and you discover that that person doesn’t know how to work as a team or gets frustrated with an instruction manual, at least you won’t have wasted the afternoon in a pretentious bar. In the worst case scenario, the relationship will not have prospered, but you will have been left with the purchase made, the dog walked or, with a little luck, the living room furniture finally assembled.

Image | freepik

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